Tonight is the first night in a while that Jenn (and Jack) has been away. The house is quiet, I've got the front door open and am listening to the rain. Otherwise, the only sound breaking the silence is the clicking of the keyboard as I post some much needed updates to this site and others.
I spent Black Friday, a sadly appropriate name today, on the ambulance. That doesn't mean that I didn't get any shopping done. By 11 am I bought myself a pair of new boots for work. The last time that I bought new boots was late 2003. The soles were paper thin in some places and the leather was pulling away from the sole. I needed something to protect my feet, and I got a great deal on some heavy duty boots.
The rest of my shopping was done via the internet a few minutes ago. I finished picking up gifts for some of the members of my family, My Mother, father and siblings are going to be getting the same thing (or at least one of the same thing). I've submitted each of their names to the local Mormon Missionaries... kidding. I found something that I think is very important, and, this Christmas , I want to give them a gift that might last them the rest of their lives. It's a gift that I am working on embracing myself. I haven't talked about it on this journal yet, but come the end of the holiday season, I will craft a few posts about it. Until then, it's going to remain a surprise.
The quiet tonight reminds me of a time where I had an apartment that overlooked an Adoration Chapel. I could see the monstrance from the back porch, a place where I would sit and talk to a God who was within sight, but at that point, beyond my grasp. Most of those talks were about the experience of loneliness and frustration. A couple of times we talked about beauty. Those nights were in the middle of a tough chapter of my life, but one that has led to an experience of the grace of God. It didn't make them any less difficult, but looking back now, I have more peace about those months. Hind-sight is 20/20... ish.
I need more quiet in my life. This evening is a stark contrast to the constant drum beat of daily life. When I was in high school, I began going to adoration on an almost weekly basis. By the time I became Catholic (after my freshman year of college) I was going to adoration almost every single night. It provided balance. Among other things. Many other things. Some of the most intense and profound experiences that I have had have happened in adoration chapels. Usually in the middle of the night. Thank God for Perpetual exposure of the Sacrament.
The responsibility for maintaining that balance that I found in adoration is entirely my own. I don't need (or want) my wife to travel without me to find the quiet I'm looking for. It's always there waiting, just down the street. Tomorrow night, after my shift, I'm going to find myself to a meeting and then hit a couple of hours of adoration. It's time to restore the balance.