I'm at the end of my 101st week, and just a few weeks away from my 2nd blue chip. The world has changed for me, in most ways for the better, and other ways, I have alot to work on. There is plenty of closet cleaning to do. My first year, I spent the first ten months cleaning out the largest debris from past mistakes. After that, I started to move toward learning how to live in new ways. The biggest project that I've been working on has been learning how to pray. You've seen parts of that journey along the way, others have been private and kept out of view. Mostly I've been hiding my failings in this area. My progress has been uneven. I'm going to keep working on it. If I can't make daily progress, then I need to be able to claim at least daily participation. No one bats .1000, but I need to be more willing to swing the bat, even if I can't get on base every time.
This next year, I'm hoping to become someone more transparent. I want to be able to talk more freely about my struggles and victories, about grace and redemption, not just on a spiritual plane, but how it works itself out in my day to day walk. I hope that by the end of the year I'm playing that shell game of 'bondage of self' far less often.
This is a process, and it's a process that is built upon a lifetime of small battles, not every one a victory, that shape character. If i'm wise and if I want to see any progress at all, I'll remember that the most important thing of all, the thing that holds the whole world in place is prayer, constant and fervant or even tepid and rote, so long as I give all I have.
God, I offer myself to Thee--to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life.