In the last week I have been able to spend a few days in the OR intubating patients and watching some interesting surgeries. During one procedure a doc looks over at me and says, "You, you're young. I'm going to tell you something that you are probably going to have to learn on your own anyway. Perfection is the enemy of success. If you spend too much time trying to make something perfect, you're just going to [screw] it up."
I have absented myself from this project for quite a while. The reasons are, of course, numerous and varied--school, work, clinicals, family life that is oftentimes overwhelming--but I do hope to return here, hope that this site is still fertile ground.
Life is interesting. These days I find myself living off more three hour or less sleep sessions than I am comfortable with, far more coffee than I should admit to and far fewer meals that don't come prepackaged. My current lifestyle is required, for now, yet unsustainable. This is how burnout happens. Thankfully I am on a very short calender with this type of life. Less than 10 weeks to go. Is it down to seven now? Probably.
Still, I could use a break.
I've been having nightmares lately about a mysterious Pulmonology clinical being added at the last minute, another hoop that I need to jump through before I can graduate. As much as I preach education being the silver bullet for my industry, after 15 months of practicing what I preach, I am ready for a break. This is why having summers off is a good thing. You need to take time to refresh and expand knowledge. You need to take time to refresh and expand skills. And you need to take time to refresh and expand your soul as well
That has been my point of critical neglect, my soul.
I sat down with Br. M at the abbey a few weeks ago, talked to him for quite a while seeking some sort of clarity and spiritual direction, a "sharing of the faith" as he calls it. Life is complicated and oftentimes difficult. Joy is part of a much larger package deal because life is a mess and you have to thrive anyway. Part of thriving is learning to find that joy, but also to embrace the rest of the package. It can't always be fixed. Sometimes, maybe most of the time, it shouldn't be fixed. It just is.
It takes experience to figure out what should be attended to, what should be accepted and what should be let go. Unfortunately the only way to get the experience is to fight the battles, search for the answers and accept yourself where you are without the experience to guide you. Work is like that. Life is like that.