Now that the Olympics are over, I am going to have to start attending Olymp-Anon meetings. Something tells me that I won't be the only one who is looking to return their life to normal after overdosing on Michael Phelps , Medal Counts and Not-Quite-Real-Sports like water polo and synchronized swimming.
Hopefully with a good sponsor and the ever present election cycle, I'll be able to make a full recovery in time for the 2012 games in London.
So, without further ado I present the revised 12 steps of Olymp-Anon.
- We admitted we were powerless over the IOC—that our lives had become unmanageable.
- Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore our sleep schedules to sanity.
- Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to neither Beijing2008.com or the NBC Line-up any longer .
- Made a searching and fearless examination of the final medal counts.
- Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact outcome of the games, both in total medals won and weighted scores.
- Were entirely ready to have God remove the special olympic section from the local paper .
- Humbly asked Him to remove our subscription to the olympic quad-cast channels.
- Made a list of all persons we had harmed by staying up until 4 am, and became willing to make amends to them all.
- Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
- Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
- Sought through the internet and the local paper to improve our conscious contact with our hometown sports teams.
- Having had an athletic awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to olympiholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.