Yellow Blog Journalism

My Brother is Leaving Iraq

I got the news today while driving down Briarcliff; Matt is coming home. They are bubble-wrapping Baghdad right now, I'm sure. The news is that he should be home in time for Christmas. I almost had to pull off the road. It was tough to keep my composure. He has been gone for more than a year, and on his third tour. While this one was drastically different than the other two, much safer and far more stable, it was by far the toughest to wait through.

Thank God. And I mean that in the most prayerful way possible. Thank God.

My Last Post for the Evening

Hell's Bible, the New York Times, barely recognizes Iraq today. It's stable.

My Self-Imposed Gag Order

Jenn has requested that I not talk about a particular candidate quite so much while at home. The problem is that I don't know if I can. He infuriates me to no end, not because I hate the man, I think he is incredibly gifted and likable, but because he has no place being in this presidential race. He is patently unqualified with questionable associations at every single corner and his political philosophy is abhorrent.

That being said, the rest of the world loves him. The media has deified him and I am amazed that they didn't erect an altar to him at the Minority Journalists Convention this morning. If you want to see what public religion looks like, watch the news.

The world loves this man. Send him to the UN. In a few years he will undoubtedly be made secretary general. Please, take him. Let us get back to real political discourse.

My Complaint

I don't mind putting in my yearly 40 hours of re-education continuing education but in the last few years I have had to take 3 hours of anti-terrorism training that has ranged from a waste of my time to time better spent in a Baghdad Prison. It is training that is full of misleading statistics, fear mongering tactics and farcical assertions. And year after year we are warned against leaving our keys in our ambulances lest some jihadi steal it and use it as a car-bomb.

As far as I can tell, this has never ever happened.

Here is a list of things that have also never happened:

• Terrorists gain employment in a toothpick factory to poison their products
• Islamo-facists rent out apartments and fill them with explosives, detonating them, killing all the occupants
• Jihadis, released from life sentences, infiltrate a Nazi strong hold in order to...no wait, that is The Dirty Dozen
• Terrorists get CDL licenses and drive 18-wheelers filled with toxic substances all over the United States, biding their time until they can use their goods to wreak havoc!

It's just silly. This idea that an ambulance would make a good bomb (I think it would be a better get-away car) has never once found its way into the Al-Qaeda playbook, yet the assertion is made over and over again that the only line of defense from my whoopdi® becoming an instrument of death is the location of my spare keys.

I'm in more danger of having my Ambulance used by the Red Dog Unit during a drug bust.

My Frustration III

My Brother's Cigarettes

It's time for a COMPLETELY INAPPROPRIATE FUNDRAISER!

Support the troops, Support the addiction.

While looking at my younger -- and slightly less attractive -- brother's website this morning, I found a picture of him smoking his last American cigarette. Being a few months in to what is possibly up to a 24 month deployment, he finds himself in a tough spot. He can't just hit the 7-11, they only carry mortar rounds and rocket propelled grenades.

Unfortunately, since my last care package to Iraq probably violated more than a few Iraqi alcohol laws (A Sponge Bob Pinata was filled to the brim with mini-bottles) and I now have a wife that would appreciate me staying on the side of the line that results in the fewest number of federal charges I am going to be taking donations to send cigarettes to the troops. No more Pinatas. I promise.

So far in office collections, we have a total of $5 American and some Canadian coin that we got in our change instead of a quarter.

If you would like to contribute, please EMAIL ME.